Suffocate...

Tears can't stop dropping when msg with dear this afternoon. Not because fight with dear but because mom suddenly ask me what she did and make me angry with her for so long. I did not angry with her or anybody. It's just that I don't feel like talk to them anymore. Every time when I try to nice to them, then something bad sure happen. I'm sick with all that. I had enough of that. Actually, I'm the one who don't know what I did wrong and make them hate me so much. Because of me also, they never like dear. It's all because of me and dear has to get all this treatment. I really feel very bad to dear. His parents have been so nice to me, but what he get from my parents? When I talked to dear the other day, suddenly I remembered how my parents told me not to tell them what happen in school. I was only in primary school that time. I just wanted to share what I experienced in school, and I think most of the children do so with the parents. But what I get from my parents was don't tell them, they do not want to know. Since that time, I never tell them anything in my heart. But this is totally different with brother. He does not like to tell what happen in school, but parents always wanted to find out and always ask him. This is the difference of treatment to a son and to a daughter in my home. It seems like a daughter is not human and not born by them. I always ask myself last time, if they really do not like me so much, then why they bring me to this world. I never ask for all this. I did think of commit suicide when I was in secondary school, but I was so timid and not brave enough to do so. Until I get to know dear, I really appreciate my life with someone who appreciate and love me so much. This is the feeling that I never have before I know dear. But I'm so depress now for can't see dear. I told dear today if I commit suicide, then he has to life happily as he does now. I feel suffocate living in this house...