How long can I stand this?

Dear has been going to Ipoh for a month plus...

He did came back during some weekends, 

especially when I have class.

He purposely came back to send and pick me from classes.

Two times he came back,

once his car's front mirror broken when at highway, 

and another once his car broken when his car's temperature reached the hottest.

Yet dear never blame me and still insist to come back.

Very touching?

Yes, I admit all this make me feel that how much dear love me, 

but I still keep angry with him.

I don't know why,

but I hardly to control my emotion.

Sometimes, I feel like I have depression.

Long distance relationship is so hard.

How long can I stand this?

We have been fought so much this few days.

I'm so worry that our relationship won't stand long.

I'm so scare that dear will get sick with my attitude,

my bad temper.

Really miss dear so much...

A lost

1st uncle has passed away.

2 sudden and everybody was shocked.

He looked so healthy all this while. 

It was just about one month ago we celebrated his birthday.

And now he has suddenly leave us.

Really hope this is a dream.

Never come across my mind that he'll leave us so soon.

I thought he will live up to his 90 years old.

And see me marry.

I'm not always talk with him, but he is very well- respected in our family.

He has been the "leader" in our family for such a long time.

Without him, our family seems like a train without the driver.

Hope he will rest in peace.

We will remember and miss him forever...

AGAIN???

Another few days, dear got to go Ipoh again.
Yes, dear got to go to outstation again.
Dear needs to spend 1 month there this time.
I really can't believe that my life turn out like this.
I totally don't feel like doing anything and stick with dear 24hrs/7days.

Finished my practical report,
but still got a lot works to do.
But I just don't feel like doing anything right now.
If can, I just hope that can spend all my time with dear before he goes to Ipoh.
But can I do that?

Still got another 2 days, then school is reopen.
And it's time to back to work.
I really don't have the mood to go back to work anymore.
I'm so useless and irresponsible.
But I really hope to stay beside dear only.

How come suddenly become so belangkai?
How come I become so useless?
NO! NO! NO!!!
Ivy cannot be like this.
Wake up Ivy.
Be tough.
I cannot be beaten so easily...

Time to make decision...

1 week holidays has been passed.

Have to back to work after 3 more days.

My holidays have been contributed to doing report.

Haven't do exam paper and planning for concert dance.

My holidays like nothing.

Luckily not too bad as still can spend the time with dear.

Went to college to hand in my practical report today.

Asked about the degree course.

They cheated me.

They didn't give any scholarship as they promised.

RM26.9k!!!

Where should I get so much of money?

Very angry at first.

But the advantage is I won't bound with any contract.

Nor got to work with them with a certain years after graduate.

But they said I will definitely get a job with at least RM2.2k after I graduate.

Or even more if I work at private school, maybe around RM2.5k.

But this college always cheat me.

Should I believe them again?

Thought of consider other college.

But afraid that my diploma won't be accepted by the other college.

Dear said continue with this college.

If the other college don't recognize my diploma, then i would have to pay more

and need more time to study as I can't exempted from the first year.

Dear also said it's very good if they promised me with a job after i graduate.

No matter how is the college, what we want is a job only after graduate.

Even some said Segi College is not good, but still many of them get a job.

So, what is good or not is not what we can say.

Really depends on the employer.

Really dislike making decision.

I'm not a good decision maker.

I rather people tell me what to do and I just follow.

I always make the wrong decision instead.

The orientation will be this Saturday.

I should make up my mind by this few days.

So, what should I do now?

My holidays...

Finally, holidays are here.

Has spent few days together with dear. 

We went to Malacca to find Michelle and...

her new born baby, Tan Meng Yi. 

Spent 2 days and 1 night there. 

A very precious days together with dear...

But happy moment always pass really fast.

Has back to home now.

Got to continue with my report. 

Has late to hand in. 

Hope won't affect my marks.

Very lazy...

Anyway, I still think that is worth.

Nothing more important than dear.

Can spend the time with dear bring my days become brighter.

Every minutes and seconds with dear is so meaningful.

Sounds so useless like I can't live without dear.

But in fact, I really can't live without dear already...

What is love for me?

I always wondering what is love.


When a couple are in love, 
all they can see are the best of each other. 
When one or both the couple have boring to each and another, 
then all the good values that they treasured about each other last time become bad. 


A boy and a girl don't need any reason 
when they wanted to get together. 
But he/she will have thousands of excuses 
when wanted to break up. 


A couple, who is very loving when together 
can become enemy after break up. 
Love is really something that make people looking forward for it 
and also afraid of at the same time. 


It's a most fearful game in this world. 
Once you involve in it, 
you are addicted and bond with it. 
You may feel like blossom flowers 
and "injured" yourself during this game. 
Even if you feel like want to come out from it or stop the game, 
it is also never be the easy thing. 
Even it is such a scary game, 
but humans never be afraid to play this game.


I always believe that humans are actually a piece with their partner, 
but God has apart them. 
So, what they need to do during their lifetime are to find their partners, 
another part of them. 
The lucky ones may just try once, and they found it. 
Some may need to find few times, 
years or decades before they can found another part of themselves. 
Some, who are the unlucky ones may
not found their partner until their last breathe. 
This is the tale that I always believe in. 


Sometimes, there may be wrong 
and that's why break up and divorce happen. 
That's why people said, 
we will never know are we really happy in our life 
until our last breathe. 
Yes, you may feel happy today, this hour, this minute or this second, 
but you may not the next day, next hour, next minute or next second. 
None of us know what will happen in the future. 
This is why you can't shout out loud 
that you are happy in your life 
because there may be "something" happen in the next second 
may change your whole life. 


Life is so mystery. 
And because of this also, 
it make our life so different, 
wonderful, 
full with surprises and enjoyable. 


What the meaning of life if 
we know what will happen in the next second? 
Happiness is not granted. 
I should have learned to appreciate everyone 
and everything around me 
because I do not know when is the time that
I need to leave them...

Deep in my heart...

Thought can go find dear at Ipoh during this weekend. But couldn't make it since have date with friends and we have planned it since last month. Because can't turn down friends again, so I got to disappoint dear. Dear is very important but friends are same important too. Without them, I would not have today. Days without love from parents, friends are the one who give me support, love and help. Without them, I might have commit suicide as I once thought when secondary school time. A very stupid thought though. But it was a very tough days. Most of the people around me have a very great and considerable parents, and even dear. Who actually understand what I have went through? Yes, they brought me to this world, they give me foods and shelter, they let me study. I shouldn't be greedy and ask for more. But what I need the most are their love and attention, and I really think this is not too much from a daughter. How I wish I could have my own children and I will love them all I could.