Will gone crazy soon...

Really hate myself sometimes. Always being not patience and hot-tempered. Just want to chat with dear but end up fight with him. Didn't see him for a week already. I know I should appreciate the time with him even just on the phone, yet just can't stop myself from angry with him. After a moment, when I think back, myself will wondering too why am I angry with him. Not his problem of course. What happen to me? Having multiple personality? Will gone crazy soon. Or  maybe I am already crazy...

Headache...

Dear goes to outstation again. Goes to Johor this time. This trip will take another week. Just back from Ipoh for 4 days, and he got to go for another trip. Heartache seeing dear so tired. Really rather dear can get the job at Perlis. Chances to see him may be lower if he work at Perlis, but at least I know he can sleep well and eat enough when stay at house. Got his mother to take care of him is better than he got to travel here and there. Then, he also no need also think of save money and doesn't want eat. But now even see dear once a week also miss dear so much. What will happen if can only see dear once a month? Hmmm. Headache...

How long can I stand?

Travel to work everyday and miss dear make me feel really tiring. This may last for few years before I can get away from this problem. Even just few days, few months, it is enough to take away my life. What should I do? I'm really exhausted with what I'm doing everyday now...

Disappointed...

That day dear said he will be back tomorrow, then we can meet. I was so happy and waiting for the second we can meet. It has been a week plus since the last time I met dear. But everything turned to be a dream after he called and said he can't be back tomorrow because there will be a meeting. When will I be able to meet dear? Miss him so much so much...

What can I say?

Already a week didn't see dear. And what I get from dear's mouth is that he might got to work at Perlis. Dear ask my opinion. What can I say? Ask him to choose between his future and I? Ask him to choose between his parents and I? His parents have brought him up, while I just a girl that he knows for 4 years. If he choose me and not his parents, I wouldn't want guy like this too. But of course dear not people like this. So, what more can I say? Do I have any choice other than support him?  

First day...

I never know that love can be so scary. Because of love, someone can change the physical appearance. Because of love, someone try to be patience. Because of love, mind can't stop thinking of him. Don't dare to let myself have free time. When I'm free, mind will full with him. Can't stop thinking of him. Very miss dear...

I am so tired...

Breathing has suddenly become so difficult to me. My heart feels so painful. Eyes is so swollen after cried for 4 days. I really hate people point to my nose and scold me with something that I never do before. Dear keep persuading me that his brother does not know anything that his girlfriend did to us. But the truth has showed me that he know everything. He surely at his girlfriend's side. He said just "treat as" that is their fault and he willing to apologize to me. What means by "treat as"? If that is their fault, means that is. If that is not their fault, means that is not. There is nothing "treat as" in my dictionary. Furthermore, apologize is not what I want to hear. I just want dear's brother listen to what his "lovely" girlfriend had did to his own brother, my boyfriend. But he refused to hear. He said what is passed, is passed. He does not what to mention anymore. He does not want to mention anymore or he afraid to know his girlfriend's real face behind her mask. Their action are so sickening. They even message and "sincerely" apologize to us. I do not need all that. They blamed dear for being rude and slammed the door when the first time she went to their house. Even dear has forgot about this. Dear just woke up that time. They want him to laugh like crazy when he just woke up? I bet if they can do it. His girlfriend complained about my dear in front of me. I had apologize to her on dear's behalf because do not want to bring that problem so serious. That incident had happened 3 years ago and she still angry with it. Unbelievable? I gave her a present when her birthday last year. She just said, "Oh" instead of say thanks. But I am really fine with all that until his girlfriend watched movie in the brothers' room and on the volume till so loud till dear could not concentrate and study, and dear end up had to study in my room. I had been really patience all this while because I do not want to put dear into a hard situation, and this is all what I get. They shoot everything back to us. They blamed dear for being rude, and slammed the door. They blamed dear for take knife when fought last time. This had happened decade before and yet still got such people and still keep it in heart. But we know that dear did the wrong first, so we did apologize too. What else they want from us? They even blamed me for complaining in my facebook. Hey! That is my facebook profile. I have the right to write anything I want. I did not add any of them, and I also did not wrote their name. What for they being so excited and admitted that? And I do not welcome them to my facebook also. He said I am rude to say all this to people? Why he so scare when I am just there to tell the truth? He said those comments from my friends who backup me is over. Of course my friends will backup me. She is the one who did it wrong, and I cannot control what people want to comment. And all this is none of their business. His girlfriend wrote on facebook to complain about me, nothing is wrong. But when I wrote to complain in facebook, that is my fault. His girlfriend is human and I'm not? His girlfriend has freedom to talk and I do not have? What kind of earth are they in? They even blamed me for promised to stay with the girl, but did not make it. It happen 1 year ago. i wished to move out so much also. But mom did not let me to that time, and forced me to stay at hostel. I explained to his girlfriend that time. She said it is fine, and never mind that time. And now she wants to take everything out to complain? They have no better excuses for their bad attitude, so take everything out to blame dear and I? Then, they message dear and I, it said they did not put all that in heart anymore and do not understand why we still mention about it, and sincerely apologize to us. After they had done so much of things to us, this is what they means by they did not put it in heart anymore. This is to show how nice they are and how stupid am I? Should I be happy that my mom did not let me move out that time, so I need not to stay with such person. They are so fake. Should I be happy that my boyfriend is dear and not the brother? He is so "blind". I can stand everything she did to me, but I cannot stand when she did that to dear over and over. i really cannot stand when people bully someone I love, no matter is dear or my mom. I am so tired together with dear. Not because of dear is bad, but he is just too nice. Everybody wants to bully him, no matter my sis or his brother and his girlfriend. Break up this word comes to my mind sometimes, but I really do not want to let dear go just because of all this people. But until when I can stand all this? I really do not know. Love is really something very sweet, and sad at the same time.